A Bittersweet Day

Most breastfeeding mamas come to a point (I think) where they want their body back and maybe to sleep through the night once in awhile. Maybe I am in the minority but I doubt it. It isn't that I think that I have been nursing Ruby for SO long or anything because I know many who nurse much longer. My oldest will turn 6 this week and I have been either pregnant, nursing, or pregnant AND nursing for almost 7 years. If Ruby only still casually wanted to breastfeed I would continue in a heartbeat but this child wants it all.the.time! During the day she was grabbing at my shirt constantly so we weaned that a few weeks ago. I enjoyed nursing her before bed but she continued to wake up multiple times during the night as well. Last week when we returned from Florida I decided it was time and when my husband left for his business trip I did it. If you have ever had to do this before it is absolutely heartbreaking. The first night Ruby begged and cried. I cried as well and just held her and attempted to calm her down. This went on throughout the night. 4 times that first night to be exact. The second night was better and she only woke up 3 times. She didn't cry like the night before either. I calmed her down while rubbing her back until she fell back to sleep. Each night since it has gotten a little bit easier but she still wakes up 2 or 3 times and I am still calming her back to sleep. Perhaps this milestone has affected me so deeply because it is the end of my babies being babies. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love the beautiful girls that Piper and Violet are becoming but my Ruby will likely be my last baby and it is hard for me sometimes to come to terms with that. This is by far my favorite shot of nursing our Ruby and might be one of the very first selfie shots that I ever did (taken 7/2010). I adore everything about it.