>> Friday, January 13, 2012
Piper hasn't seen her father this week. She is a daddy's girl and totally is missing him. We thought we would see him on Tuesday and they made signs and notes but we didn't. I think that they have left these things hanging just in case he comes home before we are all in bed. They will be there for him on Saturday morning and I am sure he will be greeted with hugs, kisses, and elbows.
It has been a rocky 13 1/2 weeks. Sadly this pregnancy has already had it's fair share of ups and downs. There has been a lot of bleeding and my nerves are shot. I've spent the last 3 months trying to wrap my head around the fact that we might have another little one running around the zoo in July but not getting my hopes up because, unfortunately, I know miscarriage all too well. That all changed at my appointment right after the new year. The doctor couldn't find the heartbeat so we went to get an ultrasound. When I first saw the baby it was sleeping but it had a heartbeat. Then it woke up. The flood of emotions that I felt at that moment watching our little one rolling around made everything so real. I was feeling again and all I knew at that moment was how much I already love that little baby and how badly I want him/her in our life. I was afraid to say it before and was trying to guard my heart but I can't do that anymore. This past week I heard that beautiful heartbeat again and it was as overwhelming as the u/s. Keeping something you want so badly a secret so you won't have to tell everyone the bad news is hard on your heart. There is no guarantee still but I feel good entering my 2nd trimester. I am really looking forward to telling the girls this weekend and I hope that they will share the joy and excitement that their father and I have.