Who knows?

For over 5 years now my body hasn't been my own. It still isn't but I can see the end in sight. I daydream about wearing single digit pants again and not having to plan ahead my outfit to have easy boob access to nurse my babe. Ruby is no where near weaning but like I said before they are just daydreams. So all of this talk sort of makes it seem that we are done having babes right? I will turn 39 years old this March and I am now setting goals for MYSELF again. Why is it though that I don't come out and say that we are done having babies? I think that I went through a very difficult time emotionally after having our little Ruby. 3 kiddos 3 years and younger was a struggle for me and I never thought it would be. Conceiving Ruby was a struggle in itself and an emotional roller coaster that literally made me crazy at times. Today though life is back to as normal as life will probably get. It is these times that I sit back and wonder what would 4 be like? Can we handle it or should we be happy with the little family that we have created? Can we handle the trying to get pregnant again? Matt says that a 4th would make amusement parks easier. No child would be left behind without someone to play with. We could actually have a boy - however I am not sure we know how to make them lol :) I just can't squash the idea in my brain - who knows what the future holds.