Vacation for the mind

>> Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Last week we went to Ohio for Thanksgiving. We go every year so that we can be here for Christmas. I did not want to go and Matt knew this. He told me that it would be good for me and reminded me how much the girls loved seeing their cousins and grandparents. We were to leave at 1 pm on Tuesday. I hadn't even begun to pack at 1 pm. There was not a part of me that wanted to climb in that car but for my family I did. I imagined the week we were to be gone as lonely. Lonely like I am here in my own home surrounded by my thoughts of what could have been. What should have been. We arrived very late Tuesday night and from the minute we got there to the minute we left it was a blur of visiting everyone's houses, playing, sleeping, and eating. There was no time for me to stop and think about what happened. It was the ride home that hit me hard. A lady in an Expedition paid for one of our tolls and just the fact that there are such nice people out there like that made me cry. I continued to cry though b/c my heart is still broken. When I think about my baby it breaks all over again each time. Finally on Sunday my m/c ended, a full 2 weeks to the day that it began. I am so glad to have Matt home to lean on for support and to help me with the girls. How can I not be forever thankful to my wonderful friends, in NC, WI, IN and online, who are a constant support system to me. I am blessed to have each one of you. My little mind vacation is over and life is back to normal for our family. This weekend we will put up our Christmas tree, lights, blow up Frosty, and lighted moose. The girls have talked nonstop about seeing the singing (mechanical) bears near our home. Piper earns her Daisy pin tonight at her Investiture ceremony. There is so much to look forward to I can't help but be optimistic this will be a nice holiday. I still cry, a lot more than I would like but after reading all of the heartfelt notes from my beautiful friends I know it is normal. Time heals but when you are going through it you just wish it would happen quicker.

8 comments:

Mrs. Stam Wednesday, December 01, 2010  

This will get better, but there is nothing wrong about crying, let it all put!

Much love
Renee

Kimberly Wednesday, December 01, 2010  

I'm glad that getting away for a while was cathartic for you. I hope that things get easier for you now that the physical part of it has ceased. Much love my friend.

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds Wednesday, December 01, 2010  

I hope you guys enjoy decking the house for the holiday. Those little girls have to be over the moon with excitement for Christmas. I hope their joy is so contagious.

Big virtual hugs Jessie! I was just thinking about you today and I'm glad to get to read an update.

Chrissy Wednesday, December 01, 2010  

beautifully written, Jessie. I am so happy you had a great Thanksgiving with your loved ones. So much to be thankful for. And crying cleanses the soul...May each day give you a little more of that "Jessie" back. xoxo

The Empress Thursday, December 02, 2010  

Came here b/c I liked your comments at Joey's.

So surprised with the beauty of your blog and your posts.

Wonderful to meet you.

I'm glad you're blogging. It helps alot with these kinds of times.

I know.

Cara Thursday, December 02, 2010  

Jessie- I am glad you are letting the rest of your life get in the way. There have been many of times when I wished it did not, but so many more that I was glad it did.

I can not begin to say I know how you feel...but I am a Mom and know what your are going through.

Hold in your heart the reality is you have 3 amazing girls/women you will raise to be mothers one day.

Never forget
"A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future. ~Author Unknown"

Now, I have two boys and would never give them up for all the money in the world.But, I think I would give little extra for a girl.

Either way, we both know that children are God's way of giving us what we can handle. Why he thought two boys for me is a mistery. But I take everyday, one as at a time.

I can not imagine having 3 children any more of a walk in then park than 2, but as my father would say...when it comes to four it just another plate on the table.

Just so you know..."that just another plate on the table" was his nonchalant way of saying the baby of that family made the table complete.

Flying Giggles and Lollipops Friday, December 03, 2010  

Christmas is such an exciting time for the little ones!

I agree with everyone else. Crying helps and certainly cleanses the soul.

What a sweet woman to pay for your toll. There really are still nice people in our world.

Kelly Sunday, December 05, 2010  

A vacation for the mind can be a much needed thing even when you're not experiencing a sadness in your life. Hopefully the holidays will continue your healing. Thoughts and prayers coming your way.

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I am 45 years old and married to my best friend Matthew. We are the parents of 3 girls, 2 dogs, and a cat. This is the story of us, try to stay awake.

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